Feeling depressed

Published by Night Fury in the blog Night Fury's blog. Views: 381

Yesterday I had a huge argument with my brother, it was 2pm in the afternoon. I was tired and felt like crap to be honest, he comes into my room and yells at me to get off my bed in such a rude manner. I told him to stop cussing at me and tell me what's going on, but instead he persists and it turns to harsh verbal abuse, I end up upset and say this unintentionally: "It's not my fault you have kids." He takes it as me being serious, when I was only being sarcastic.

Next thing I know, we're both going at it. My mother stops him, and I'm literally crying because of it. After that, we both calm down, and he finally says: "I do love you, but I don't hate you, you have to learn some respect." He had a really bad way of showing it. [​IMG]

I have a moderate case of AS, and he knows that I get over sensitive, yet he ignored it. We go out to pay the rent, and once we're out of mother's sight, he becomes a loose canon and resumes to abuse me through verbal assault. I go through enough without him making me the punching bag for his own issues. [​IMG] I thought I would have to defend myself with how aggressive he was towards me, he had no right to say those forbidden words(yes, we call it that). After he left, I was a mess of tears, my mother felt how sad I was and offered me a soda to calm me down. [​IMG]

I just wanted so much to say that I hated him, but I couldn't... [​IMG]
I just hope he gets over his anger issues before I have to defend my own mother myself. I have trained in Kajukenbo for 11 years and completed it, so I know how to counter anything he tries. [​IMG]

If he ever attacks me, should I fight back or just call the police? [​IMG]
Oct 2, 2015
  • soulious
    soulious Oct 3, 2015
    Depends on how strong you are but do call the police first, but if he then continues then attempt to fight back but sometimes that can lead to you getting attacked more, it depends on situation and control
  • Dilly Star
    Dilly Star Oct 3, 2015
    A couple notes here:

    1. Don't think about defending yourself or calling the police. I'm serious. The fact that you're in that mindset already makes you more likely to start a fight than finish one. It's not good problem-solving technique. If you did get in a violent altercation, just handle it on the fly. Having a plan for "countering" your brother is already the wrong move.

    2. You might look at this through the lens of your own over-sensitivity, and as accurate as that is it's also true that you egged your brother on a lot. You said you weren't being serious about saying, "It's not my fault that you have kids," but that's a really seriously insulting thing to say to somebody regardless of how you "meant it." Sarcasm, or biting criticism out of spite, is the wrong move in that situation every time. It doesn't matter how you mean it.

    3. It takes people years to change how they interact in their family unit, even if they want to. You need to be consistently calm around your brother, and that's going to be the hardest part. When he orders you around and gets upset, try just extracting yourself from the situation. Being passive is actually the easiest win there, in spite of how things may seem. It won't do to ignore him, but picking a fight clearly didn't help things this time. Remember that it takes two to fight. The way that you act can powerfully influence a situation. Stay calm, remember this isn't your fault, and also remember that he does have feelings for you. This will likely pass in time; it almost always does.
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