Most Interesting Types of Drunks

Published by Mister Asmodeus in the blog Asmo's Unsafe Space. Views: 826

We've all seen them. Be it at a social gathering, or within your family, we all know there are plenty of different types of drunks on the drunk spectrum. I've decided to throw together this handy guide, to help you go drunk-watching at your next social event.

-The Horn Dog

As the name implies, these drunks are there, not to hang out with friends, not to get so drunk they forget what real life is, but to get some tail. This drunk comes in a variety of shapes, sizes and genders, and should probably be avoided. This specimen is known to carry diseases deadly to other drunks.
Be on the lookout for *squee!*ty pickup lines, impressive lies, and pseudo-sexy clothes.

-The Hellbent on Destruction

Anything for a good time. With no ability to make decisions, this drunk will often keep drinking until they pass out, they run out of money, or the bouncer throws them out of the bar. This creature also has a strange habit of drunk texting his or her significant other, making their morning hangover extremely awkward.

-The Crier

Almost always female, this type of drunk is good at one thing: Crying. They'll come up with any reason to do it after a few shots, be it a recent break-up, or their pants being on too tight. The best method for dealing with this drunk is to give them some food, or let them keep drinking until they fall asleep.

-The Happy Drunk

Drunk, goofy, and giggly. This is the most refreshing drunk out there. Down to dance, listen to music, or whatever, this race of drunks is the easiest to approach for most people. They may try to be your new best friend, but that's a little better than sobbing on your shoulder, and significantly better than our final entry...

-The Dudebro

Always a young male. Avoid at all costs. This drunk is loud, obnoxious, arrogant, and always looking for a fight. They're never very good at fighting, thinking having big arms is a good substitute for skill, and always being blackout drunk when they step up, but it can be exhausting to deal with either way. When they go into their strange battle mode, they will take anything and turn it into a reason to start a brawl, even eye contact. They never swing until they make sure all their fellow dudebros are watching. The dudebro yelling at his friends to pay attention to him is a great indication that a fight is about to begin.
Observe from afar when drunk-watching. Do not wander too close, and do not speak with them.

So, there's my list of the most interesting types of drunks. What category do you fall into? What are your favorite kinds of drunks that I didn't mention? Let me know down below!

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