The Leather Bound Book

[size=+1]Lylat Wars[/size]​

I bought a Nintendo 64 last week. And I'm rather pleased with that, you know. Firstly because Nintendo Consoles don't seem all that popular over here. I dunno what it is but America is all about the Nintendo but England doesn't seem to give a damn much.

Oh! We have NES's, SNES's, N64's, Wii's and Wii U's, I just can't think of too many people I ever lived with that had a Nintendo home console (except Dodo and Foxy, apparently). Apart from the Wii, because statistically, everypony has a ruddy Wii. Some are supposed to have several, considering the numbers. Gameboys were everywhere when I was growing up because Pokemon. Friggin' Pokemon made the mighty Gameboy and all of it's descendants a must-buy around here.

Not only was it more reliable than The Universe but Pokemon also gave you subtle hints about moving out of your parent's home years before your parents will.​

But I saw nearly nothing but Playstations, Xboxes and Mega Drives. The Home Computers of the 80's died and we jumped on the Sega Boxes rather than the Nintendo ones, it seemed to me. I've never understood why. So, actually owning an N64 feels like a bit of an education for me because I never got to play on one very often. Of course, I've played a few but never to the same extent of my other consoles.

Secondly, I got it at MCM London (I'll put up a video when I'm finished setting up my machine again) for about £29 ($48.59). That's awesome! I got the cheapest unboxed and fully-functioning N64 available at the whole thing as the others were over £30. And it let me buy todays subject for about £5 ($8.37)!

Sums up by trip home after the purchase rather nicely​

So, I need to clear something up because I just know someone is readying a sternly worded comment for me below saying something along the lines of:

"Ahem! I think you'll find, So-Called Tyro the So-Called Fox that we trusted to inform us about games you've randomly decided to look into, that the image you have attached to this review is actually Starfox 64. Dodo and Rainbow Dash 1989 wouldn't have gotten that wrong! What kind of mook are you?"

"Crimson suffers for his reviews! You got it cushy, Fox! Don't screw it up!" - Imaginary Leather Bound Book Review Enthusiast​

Well, possibly something like that, if your American. The reason for this is that Lylat Wars and Starfox 64 is essentially the same game. Over here, it's Lylat Wars to avoid a copyright issue but it's Starfox 64 otherwise. So, there!

So, what do I think of it? Do I like it?

Of course I do! It's bloody Lylat Wars/Starfox 64! We have people referencing the imperative requirement for a full rotation of the aerial vehicle over a decade after it's release! It's a solid, enjoyable little arcade Shoot-'Em-Up! It's a surprisingly solid piece of execution of a simple concept: shoot stuff before it kills you. So simple but so well done.

It's not too challenging but it's so satisfying to fly around once you get the hang of it. It's a great elevation of the standard Shoot-'Em-Up genre and extension of the original concept.

The plot is surprisingly movie like. Not an especially good movie but who cares? Your Fox McCloud. Your father has been betrayed and left for dead in the clutches of the Evil Mad Scientist Andross. You lead a team of space pilots called Starfox, a mercenary group hired by General Pepper (who has since been promoted since The Beatles Album (couldn't resist, forgive me)). You are tasked with travelling across the galaxy to Venom to defeat Andross once and for all.

Your team consists of Falco; an arrogant git that's sadly too handy to keep around to not sock in the beak after every ungrateful remark about being rescued, Peppy; a close friend of Fox's father and an aging pilot that will offer advice whenever he feels it necessary and Slippy; a strangely overly-confident Engineer of some kind that regularly ends up with far more than his flying skills can actually handle. This is Starfox and each one has their strength and weaknesses.

It's very likely none of this is new information. However, I actually kinda like Peppy and Slippy over Falco. Granted, I found I was working the best with all members flying and fine. However, Peppy just stays out of trouble and Slippy is excellent bait. Trying to pick off the members of Starwolf is a little easier when they're chasing down Slippy. Plus, being able to see boss' health is surprisingly useful. It helps making sure you understand whether you're attacking the right part of the boss every time you fight them. Not all of them have little 'shoot me' lights on them to indicate where you're meant to direct your fire.

I'd like to stress I find him strangely useful when the consensus is that he's annoying and useless, not love him dearly. I'll save him because it means lining up a few decent shots on a Starwolf ship but he's not invited to my Birthday parties or anything. I mean, just look at him for starters.

What are they doing to you outside the frame and how do we make it stop?​

Now, here's the thing: Lylat Wars/Starfox 64 feels like it should be a 2014 Indie Game. Seriously, it's weird to me. The structure feels like it. You don't play though all the levels. Instead, you play through only about five until you fight Andross, moving across the map of levels. Furthermore, you can unlock more directions and paths across the game by performing certain tasks within certain levels. Some will require something special to be completed (usually destroying something specific) before you can be allowed to continue a particular level. Some are open ended, letting you go in two directions in the game map as you move towards Venom and Andross. Weirdly for a game of it's age, doing this will vary the general difficulty of the game. You can move left more and more to get a greater challenge and this is the reason you'll want to reply, in order to get onto every single level. Some are as simple as destroying stuff and some are kinda cryptic like having to fly through arches while Falco is flying with you.

It starts feeling like a Modern Indie game at this point. The simple, 'pick up and play' gameplay style. How you have to replay in order to get the most benefit out of it, hence extending the lifespan of the game. The quick nature of the full gameplay stint. A game will last you about half and hour if your even semi-competent. It feels weird to see a game from 1997 feel so at home alongside FTL, The Binding of Isaac and Audiosurf. I always expect them to be these massive, long, sprawling quests that eat up as much time as they can because games are expensive and you demand your money's worth with each purchase.

This isn't like that. It's just quick, pleasant and highly enjoyable. You pick it up, blast through the levels, defeat Andross and put it down again feeling rather pleased with yourself for your brief burst of starship dogfighting.

There's one last thing here: make sure to switch the language to English. I played with the setting on Lylat because it was the default and, well...It's no where near as fun or enjoyable. The game is solid and engaging but damn does it lose it's greatest piece of charm without the English voice acting.

In Lylat Mode, all the characters will speak in that weird mumbling gibberish that's similar to Banjo Kazooie. It's fine. I guess. It's a touch distracting to have to read the subtitles to understand what is being said to you though. Your fighting space ships, why must I have to check my intergalactic Skype messages in the middle of a heated battle?

All that cheesey, enjoyable, iconic quotes from the game? Yeah, English mode only. The game gains that necessary surge of life when the characters are speaking English. The voice acting is notably corny but it just cements the feeling of being in this slightly silly but epic environment. Everything is hyped up, just adding to the excitement of your mission. I love it, mainly because it just pushes these little sprites on your screen belching words into characters you can relate and enjoy.

OK, a niggle: I'm not a fan of the All-Terrain Mode. Yes, it's really cool to be able to engage in full on dog fights against all these varied and challenging enemies but I could never comfortably use it. It always felt like I could never turn sharply enough for my liking. It was never a game breaker but attempting to actually line up for an attacking run on something was always a bit of a faff for myself.

So, Lylat Wars/Starfox 64, in my opinion, holds up far, far better than I ever thought it should have done. Seriously! It's a little freaky now how much it felt like the Indie Game scene of today. I'm tremendously happy I have it to play whenever I like. The Legend of Zelda games are long adventures to get lost in. Mario 64 and Banjo-Kazooie/Tooie are just playgrounds to go hunting around for all the goodies.

Lylat Wars is now my little burst of excitement whenever I like. It's just that simple. I'll play this just as I might play FTL or Starbound. It might not be much but it's a finely crafted sandwich. It'll tide you over until the next big meal of a game but you will never regret sampling it's enjoyable flavour.

Huh, weird but apt metaphor.

Pictured: This Game. Just roll with it, I'm done now...​

At this time of writing, I just finished a session of 'My Little Investigations'. But I was thinking to myself...

Would it be possible to combine the investigation gameplay of 'My Little Investigations' with an RPG?

Because I'm mildly narcissistic, I figured this would be a decent basis for a Tyro game. Perhaps one of the RP's where he featured, like the Library of Life adventure.

Effectively, you'd be looking around, solving puzzles, picking up clues and talking to ponies about stuff to extract necessary information.

However, you'd also be expected to dish out some pain in some turn-based battles with a small twist I'm still thinking through...It involves a dash of all the card based game's I've been playing...

But, I don't think it would be all that bad an idea. Simply because now the battles aren't propping up the game play, the NPC conversations can as well. I can imagine it getting a little complicated as you go along but I can see the two mechanics complimenting rather nicely if presented in just the right way so that one doesn't overshadow the other.

I can't say I could ever fully build this with any guarantee but would the idea sound appealing to anypony?

Well...I would talk about Kingdom Hearts. I am bursting to do so but...umm...I wanna do it as a video. I can do that when my coursework ends. Which will be soooooon. It's more fun like that. I think it deserves it.

So...

[size=+1]Symphony[/size]​

I have to confess something: I really like these Music-Generated games. It's a simple idea but the fact that I like to listen to generally high energy Rock anthems, every single game is like the Death Star trench run if someone had stuck on some Queen. They can get very compulsive to just give them one more go.

"I am a sex machine ready to reload. Like an atom bomb about to oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode!"​

But I can't say I play them for very long.

I agree, I enjoy them but I'm really not enough of a music buff to get regular use out of it. I play with it, go "Oh, wasn't that good?" and put it down again. I'm not really turned off, I just don't feel like listening to music. Neither do I usually feel all that happy to play an Arcade style game over and over usually. So, I've played and then left games like Beat Hazard and Audiosurf. Perfectly good games but they've rarely held my attention once the initial novelty has worn off.

Symphony fares a little better.

You know how Beat Hazard is sort of Asteroids with Music Generation, power ups and more than just rocks to fire at? And Audiosurf is a kind of Musical hybrid of Guitar Hero and about 7 other puzzle games? Well, Symphony is music-generated Galaga, set in the Tron movies and a little bit of ship customisation.

Oh! And there's a thin veneer of a plot too. Just to spoil you, it seems.

Symphony is vaguely about demons attempting to invade the real world through your music. As inconsiderate as it is to try and burst into this world through my copy of Appetite for Destruction, the head honcho of these guys has also overstepped his bounds a bit. He's enslaved the souls of a load of composers and forced them to create something called 'The Symphony of Souls' for evil purposes. It's your task to free the souls of the enslaved composers, render the Symphony of Souls useless and stop the digital demons from bursting through into our world and...umm...mess up our music collection? No, it's more likely devouring everyone's life essence and sucking our planet dry like an orange. They're inconsiderate like that.

As you can guess, this manifests itself as shooting little ships that sweep across the screen with movements and ship types controlled by the music's beat and various other stuff. You have a space where your ship can move that enemies can invade. Your ship has four positions for weapons that also get more powerful along with the intensity of the music.

Before we go anywhere with the meat of these types of games, can I please, please congratulate Empty Clip Studios on giving the main baddie demon front and center to talk and attempt to psyche you out. The Main Baddie is so much fun! Seriously! He has a minimalist appearance but he's still effective. The eyes and red background matched with that bizarre, wavering, glitchy voice makes for a villain that's simply fun to despise. Look! I'll show you!

[video=youtube;bXyyP7Db9JQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXyyP7Db9JQ[/video]​

Oh! I'm sorry, this is the other place I know this set up from: Crash Banicoot 3: Warped. You see, if you've ever played this game at any length, you'll know that the Playstation isn't exactly capable of intense, lengthy cutscenes to push the characterisation of each of the bosses. Plus, it gets in the way of the game, which you sprint through with as few stumbles as you can manage. So, in order to ensure that each of the villains maintain a presence throughout the game, they appear in between the levels for a few minutes. They chat to you, give you an idea of what their like and advance the plot. That is so effective because you have your target: you have to take the talking head down as best as you can. It's just effective.

And Symphony has it too.

"That had better not be 'Dark Side of the Moon' your using as a coaster!​

I like effective character design. It doesn't need much but this thing does nothing but pump you up. And that's all it needs to do.

OK, so gameplay! I like it. It's simple and fun while offering some nasty challenge if you're ready for it. The music generation seems fair. More manic songs produce far nastier levels than the quieter ones but each one will have surges with every chorus or solo, meaning that the feel of the music and where it rises or falls will help you deal with the enemy ships, of which there seems to be a decent variety of. I like it. The bosses are also pretty creative and entertaining.

Basically, if you've played Beat Hazard, this will be instantly familiar. You shoot ships with your ship. It's not hard but it is well done.

It all depends on what flavour of shooty-shooty-music-action you prefer: glowy-neon blue or fireworks display. Either way, your graphics card is likely wetting itself.​

What is different is how the game hands unlockables.

Beat Hazard was simple. You earn XP and it makes you stronger as you use it to buy upgrades. It's simple and it's quick. The upgrades are almost entirely necessary and they are all handy so it makes sense.

Symphony does things Skylander's style!

Trust me! It sounds weird but I know what I'm doing!​

You see, with other music games, you only get new levels. Which is clever in of itself but Symphony goes one better and gives you a procedurally generated unlocks when you beat each new stage the first time as well, with the chance of gaining a rare variant of what your song unlocks. Usually, my copy of X&Y by Coldplay would be a disk of DLC for just extra maps but in Symphony, it's a booster pack of ship weapons too. I think that's really clever as there is a greater incentive to play through your music to see what you unlock and hope for something rare because they tend to be way more powerful. This seems like a smarter move than Beat Hazard that only has one neat trick. Symphony has a present every time you complete a level. Hard to say 'no' to.

To me, a bunch of easy levels, new weapons and some relaxing alternative babble to meander through. To you, likely the realisation why I never review music despite the radio sitting right up there.​

That would be it to be called clever but it doesn't end there as you can also strategise how each weapon is used. On top of currency being able to buy upgrades in power for all your guns, Symphony asks you to be careful with what you go out with. Each weapon has it's damage outputs and it's little idiosyncrasies for how it deals them. Some need a charge before they fire at full strength, some are just a constant fire sort of weapon and some will only fire in relation to the music. So, you have to think about the song and what is likely to appear in there before strapping your weapons on and heading out into battle.

But! You also have to consider your gun's firing angle and spread. You see, there are only four gun spaces on your ship and they can be swivelled to a certain degree. The two closest to the cockpit can only shimey a little left or right while the weapons on the wings can shimmy with a larger distance. By default, all your weapons will be facing dead ahead but you can make them spread out to lay down a bigger range of fire and ensure you don't miss. Or, you can focus all your weapons on one spot to maximise damage. Some weapons can even be made to fire backwards to cover all directions you can. Believe me, that's handy. Nopony likes being insta-killed by a ship you didn't see coming for your rear end.

Remind you of anyone?​

It's certainly not perfect but most of the complaints are either with the genre in general or nitpicky. Like no multiplayer option. Not required but might be enjoyable, however I can see this being more of an individual centric thing. Could work but it's not necessary as the Beat Hazard one seems awkward when you both have to have the song to play. Then there's a playlist function. Would be an absolute gem of a feature to include, me thinks. Kinda figured it would be a no brainer but, ah well.

Everything else is just sort of me going 'meh' to the game just generally but I think it's more the difficulty of the later difficulty levels thats putting me off, not necessarily the mechanics. They're decent, solid and hold your interest to plunder more goodies. It's just a case of finding the time to sit, pick your favourite tunes and blast some neon-demons till the goodies stop dropping.

Seriously, if you enjoy Music-Generated games, pick up Symphony. They seriously did good work on this one.

I like to keep busy in the new week till Thursday. Sooo...what can I do?

Well, I have meant to talk about Kingdom Hearts 15 HD ReMIX. I've been playing heavily for the past couple of weeks both for the review and partly because of rabid fanboyism. I'd planned to make them video reviews if I can but I'd like something to do now...

Oh! I know.

[size=+1]Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days[/size]​

I dislike this game a lot. I seriously see it as a pox when it could have been something really interesting. It's a frustrating and limited waste and I really wished it was better.

OK, a couple of things about the name of this thing. Yes! For those not in the know, that is actually what it's called! Assumingly to refer to the central narrative device of the game as it plays out a little like a diary. Well, it's more formal than that. Umm...More like surveillance footage. So, the days thing is talking about the time span the game plays out over. I'm meant to pronounce it "Three Five Eight Days Over Two" not "Three-Hundred and Eighty Five and a Half". But I'm not doing that because it's arse-backwards awkward either way.

So, I'm calling it Kingdom Hearts DS. Not to be confused with Dream Drop Distance which is on the 3DS. That would be Kingdom Hearts 3DS. All clear? OK? OK.

Hmm...Story or Gameplay first...

The Gameplay is almost entirely the same as Kingdom Hearts. This. Is. Bloody. Incredibly. Fantastic.

Seriously, I'm kinda impressed that h.a.n.d squeezed a fully 3D rendered version of the old action RPG gameplay I'm used out of the DS hardware. Granted, the DS is more powerful than you might think and it can handle 3D rather well. Think of Pokemon! Or Starfox. Heck, it was even shipped with a really decent port of Super Mario 64. That looked great, ran smoothly and even added new stuff while keeping the old!

For better and for worse...​

Still, it was all very impressive. It looked decent and kept the gameplay the same. I was very impressed with it all.

Combat is all very simple. To swing your weapon, you push a button. To string a combo, you hammer that button like it was dispensing Skittles until whatever is in your way is dead. That's the basics but the larger potential for combat in these games has always hinged on when you attack, whether you use magic or choose to use one of your special abilities or special moves. Your also given free movement to run around to avoid attacks or jump over them. Battles can get frantic, letting enemies gain the advantage if your not careful. This has always made Kingdom Hearts a tough, intense RPG that can demand some serious stones to fight some of the nastiest bosses you might have ever seen.

I mean, you will never be as fearful of or irritated with a Disney character ever until you meet Ursula in proud mode in Kingdom Hearts. Trust me!

The DS is able to replicate this almost flawlessly. You can lock on, choose different menu options and run around freely. It's clunky as your replacing camera controls with stroking the bottom screen and you're using a d-pad instead of an analogue stick to move around but it's otherwise perfectly fine.

Pictured: Moments from dealing out an arse-whoopin'!​

The RPG parts are some of the odder bits of this but not necessarily bad. I seriously don't know why every game in this series tries to be experimental if it's set between the main instalments, but this one tries it too. It's not as maddeningly confusing as Chain of Memories but it's hardly normal for RPG's.

OK. Imagine if an RPG system was created out of the inventory system from Resident Evil 4.

Sudden urge to try and fit a Green Herb in there? Yeah, me too.​

Everything that relates to your character's stats and equipment are represented as panels. Everything! Even each level you gain is a panel that has no effect until you attach it to your character. Everything is like this. New weapons, items, abilities. You have special tiles that have an area of the grid designated to them and will only allow certain tiles inside them. Abilities or weapon tiles will boost or alter that tile in a particular way while there are also tiles that will multiply the effect of anything attached to it. Like level, items or casts of a certain spell.

It feels more like I'm programming a character than anything else but it is an interesting departure. You see, you earn more pages within your character's ability space that will unlock more and more space to lay down more tiles. There is the frustration of not having enough tiles to give you enough power to fight something effectively but there is a pleasant little meta-game about maximising your space for the best effects. I genuinely enjoyed this bit. I don't know what's up with me but I did enjoy sitting down and fiddling with this to see what directions I could push my stats. It's not exactly hard to grasp as a system and there was a small triumph in gaining more space to lay down panels and make your character even more powerful.

So, yes: like most Kingdom Hearts games, the RPG bit is actually pretty engaging, interesting and challenging.

Deep breath! We're going to dive into all the bile I have for this game and make our way to the gallstone at the bottom! Ready? I'm psyched! Are you psyched? I'm psyched! Here we go!

The mission system ****ing sucks.

I meant that expletive because it's so utterly soulless and empty! Fitting for the Nobodies but not good for you or me: the player in this situation and the poor schmucks that paid for this game. Or didn't. Well, I did but you might not have. Or shouldn't have. I don't know...

Speaking of getting confused, I should establish something for non-fans: what a Nobody is. Yeash...Kingdom Hearts stuff always sounds bizarre to explain.

When a person looses their heart (which seems roughly the same as losing your soul), they will no longer exist as a person. Instead, the darkness within their heart (soul) manifests into a monster called a Heartless. Some hearts can be considered 'powerful' (which seems to be linked to force of will. Or maybe desire to continue eating Cheatos, I don't know! It's a little vague) and this can make the body that was left behind to attempt to animate itself again through shear force of will. They become half-beings. Emotionless, cold and only comprised of body and mind with no heart at all.

They are Nobodies.

I want one of these coats so damn much. They look so damn cool.​

They're characterised (sort of) by organisation and logic. Unlike the random monsters the Heartless are, the Nobodies are meant to be able to plan and direct their actions accordingly. Which brings me back to the missions.

Pro-tip: A mission based system should not feel like a job!

I am so serious. There's no life to this. It's the definition of monotonous. The initial tutorial is over long and is way too hand holding. Other tutorials have let you just experience a bizarre but enjoyable environment to safely learn the ropes with just the barest minimum of explanation. Kingdom Hearts DS cannot shut the hell up! I get the idea that your character - a Nobody called Roxas - is being babysat and shown the ropes by the older Nobodies but good lord! Where's the interest here? It's so dull! There's no sense of adventure to this. No mystery. No style or anything to hold your attention and make you want to play on like in the main instalments when they start showing you the ropes.

Here, you check in and then attack things then clock out. Nothing requires a lot of thought from you because there wasn't much in there to begin with. You kill things, you go home, you listen to the dull Nobodies mutter on about Chain of Memories or how soulless they are except they're not in any noticeable way.

*sigh*

In order to pad the ever-loving crap out of the missions, they add extra stuff over the top. You can get extra items by completing extra missions. And it's just extra dull stuff, if a lot harder. There's nothing much here I genuinely want to work towards. More powerful weapons or extenders to your available panel spaces are handy but it's just a slog to get them, I could not be bothered at all.

Now, I'd be happy to play though the missions if I was invested in the story. I actually only finished because I had spent money on this game and that purchase had to be validated somewhere! It turns out, Nobodies are boring! These mysterious, chilling, mischievous and calculating creatures have all the charisma of a turnip with a face drawn on it. They don't do anything! They don't have much to say that seems worth listening to! You don't see them drawing or reading or messing around with each other. They don't interact or argue. They don't play with cards or work on some piece of art. No one tinkers with something in your sight.

Not even impractical chairs can help this.​

They don't even attempt to push the idea of these people being half beings very much. Where's the confusion at suddenly finding themselves emotionally caught short? Why not have the characters interact with normal people and have them wonder why this man in the black coat isn't ecstatic to see dalmatian puppies? Why not show the cold soullessness of the Nobodies by having a mission revolve around rounding the contents of a village so that they can be sacrificed to the Heartless for the Organization's needs while these 13 solid gold bastards watch in nothing but what they approximate to be triumph? Why not start to push the idea that Roxas eventually develops a sense of guilt over what he's done as a result of Sora's memories (Mild Spoiler Warning: Sora being the main character of the main instalments of the series and is who Roxas was created from)?

All these 13 characters do is sit around in a blank living room talking about how much work they've got to do! I know that they're meant to be soulless husks of people but COME ON! The only character to give any interesting character interaction is Axel? Just, AXEL?!

Pictured: Axel spouting his catchphrase "Got it memorized?". Sadly, the most charismatic of Organisation XIII. Just imagine what the others are like...​

The guy that asks whether you still remember his name like he's trying to check everyone he meets for Alzheimer's in the most condescending way possible. He's the emotional attachment we have with the Organisation here. He chats to Roxas, befriends him and brings him sea salt ice cream (which sounds baffling to me. Surely anything frozen that contains salt shouldn't remain frozen for all that long).

So many missed opportunities here to expand on the personalities of these powerful and dangerous characters within the lore of this series and pump you up to fight these guys the first chance you get. Or at least stave off insomnia for a while longer.

Oh! And let's end on the story itself.

The major selling point of this story is that it revolves around Organisation XIII; a powerful collection of Nobodies that call the shots for all the other nobodies. They typically have 13 members but this game centres around Roxas (who is able to wield the legendary weapon 'The Keyblade') and member XIV, Xion (who also uses the Keyblade). They become friends and kill things because the Organisation says so. The reason it says so is because it's looking to harvest hearts from the Heartless to create one massive heart known as 'Kingdom Hearts', which they believe will grant them some form of release from their current status as half-beings.

Now, given that the characterisation of the Organisation is pretty weak outside of just making them big baddies and ensuring that each one has a few traits (even though I only really remember that Axel seems sort of cocky and Demyx seems largely inept), you can be forgiven for not really caring all that much about their major plan either way.

The evil half-beings are constructing the spiritualistic equivalent to the Death Star? Meh, I'm sure someone'll sort that out at some point. I'm just grabbing this red coin behind that grand piano over there.

And then! And then, all of your efforts to play through this game are given one final kick in the teeth. Ah-hem!

Spoiler: Spoiler Warning!

It turns out, Xion has been stealing Roxas' ability to use the Keyblade and that she is actually a sort of puppet that the Organisation, who want to keep around to ensure they have a powerful weapon around for their own ends, without risking it falling out of their hands. Roxas and Xion duke it out and Roxas destroys Xion.

Except that destroying Xion somehow erases the memory of her from every one, effectively ensuring that all events of this game never, ever happened. Because no one remembers. So it might as well be that it doesn't exist. And it makes the whole exercise pointless! Any impact on the universe of this series gets removed. It's ironed out so that some retro active alterations to the rest of the story doesn't have to be made. It's not clever or poignant because I couldn't have cared any less about Xion. Or anyone else in this game! It just serves to explain, vaguely, how Roxas ended up where he did at the beginning of Kingdom Hearts II. That's the most lasting impression this game has, apart from giving a basis to Axel's apprehensive attacks on Roxas.

It's ultimately unfulfilling, empty and heartless. Pun semi-intended.

While the plot did make a mess of my opinions on it, I do think there was a way of salvaging all this. What is it? MAKE ME GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANY OF THEM!

You know what I like about the anime series of Bleach? They give a backstory to every villain they think would benefit from having some grievance their villainy is helping them working through. I haven't seem much of the umteen hundred shows but my example here are The Bounts.

Yeah, I watch anime occasionally. I should be watching more Full Metal Alchemist but I'm kept kinda busy.​

Believe it or not, these guys are effectively soul vampires but the story I remember was actually interesting and carefully measured. We learn that the Bounts are humans but they are able to absorb human souls. This allows them immortality and special powers that are channeled through Dolls, a sort of summoned companion that fights for the Bount like a trained hawk. Each one is unique to the user. We drill into the lives of these people and learn how distant from society they become. They either hide from shame simply because they are living for two long without ever aging or have been cast out for their abilities. We learn that the powers they wield are dangerous, even to themselves. We learn they are driven towards their goals. And we learn that they have even convinced a powerful Shinigami to work for them.

Why do I mention them, because I feel like they are just like The Organisation XIII except done well. Except with a decent attempt at characterising these people as possibly sympathetic. If that's not the case, then you understand their motivations. Even if it's just because they're angry and looking for vengeance. The Organisation had that potential and I don't believe it was ever really capitalised. And I find that truly disappointing for an entire set of characters I have spent attempting to fight.

Kingdom Hearts DS has one other feature that it can boast from the depths: multiplayer. You're able to connect other games together and play as any Organisation XIII character you want. Then you can tackle missions together and fight to your hearts content. This is the best thing this game can offer and is actually quite decent. After all, if you're going to play something that's like a slog, you should share the load. There's a decent amount to do and you can play as any Organisation member.

I can only hope the HD version on Kingdom Hearts 1.5 HD ReMIX will be better than this. It's a real waste. Like usual, the RPG elements are interesting and in a better RPG, I could see this being something of a truly shining mechanic. As it is within this underwritten, lifeless game, I'll never forget it at least. In short, do not play this. You can skip it. If this series was an anime, this would be a filler arc. Stay away unless you want to take the RPG engine and transplant it into something worthwhile.'

I dislike McDonald's. I don't like the burgers but the salads aren't bad. The ice creams are kinda crap but for under £1.50, what else is there? I could get a Solareo or a White Chocolate Magnum but the McFlurry is just more satisfying, somehow. It needs a little more in it but it's just good to round off a meal. On the plus side, they have Super Mario toys in stock. That's awesome.

And until my internet at home kicks back in, I'm stuck turning up here, every day, just to use the Wi-Fi. Ugh...What makes it worse is just the fact that my internet isn't working for no reason.

Ugh...I need something utterly divine to take the edge off my frustration...

[size=+1]Broken Age[/size]​

Oh my word! Oh by The Divines! Oh by The Nine! Oh by Celestia's sainted knickers! Oh by Kalros! Oh by Tim Curry! Oh by all that is holy and wonderful! Oh by the wonders of this artform! Oh, oh, oh!

I loves it! I really, really like this. It's fluid, it's hugely entertaining. It's imaginative. It's intelligent and very pretty. It's just a good game that turns out to be worth most of that money everyone gave Schafer and his crew way back when. He got so much, they had to figure out what to do with what's left.

I call it 'Credit Crunch'! Geddit?!​

Ugh, here comes the hard bit: telling you why. I always get like this with something I really like. Telling why something is worth your time is haaaaaard! Think of the Love Letter I wrote Dear Esther. Or The Stanley Parable. Well! Here we go!

The story is split up into two halves.

One half concerns Vella (voiced by Masasa Moyo who you might recognise from somewhere in the Saints Row games). This is the daughter of a baker in a town of bakers. She has been chosen for what is known as the 'Maiden's Feast' where pretty girls are dressed up as tasty food and then offered up to a gigantic monster known as Mog Chothra. It's a tad bizarre how perfectly happy to just offer up sacrifices these people are. I can understand being afraid but come on! That is insane!

The other half is about Shay (voiced by Elijah Wood, of all people), a young man on a ship that he's grown out of years ago. The ship is overseen by a computer that believes it's Shay's mother. And seems to still think Shay is about 5 years old as she is overbearing while also all controlling. He's far past being patronised in the way he's been for what seems to be a long, long time. It's shown in a surprisingly clever method of creating monotony that you have to find a way to break before you go utterly nuts.

The link between the two stories is the idea of breaking the tradition and cycles of their lives that they're unhappy with in any way they can. This is then about that journey in their attempt to escape these cycles. After escaping 'The Maiden's Feast', Vella is trying to kill Mog Chathra to save her town while Shay just wants to be able to do something more worthwhile than saving stuffed toys from ice cream avalanches. He eventually gets his wish when a mysterious wolf appears, telling him about a special mission he has for the responsibility-starved Shay.

This is probably the most interesting and stand out part of the game. The story is just enthralling. It's interesting with it's own nutty logic that manages to just lend clues to the puzzles provided to you to play though. Furthermore, the characters are all just charming. Even the cutlery in Shay's half of the story has it's own little lines!

And let's look at the gameplay for a sec. Bottom line? It's pretty good. It's definitely not a game I'd require insane levels of intelligence to beat but I'd also not require psychic powers so I can channel whatever the level designer was thinking at the time. If Puzzle Agent has the hardest puzzles I've ever tried in a point and click adventure and Back to the Future has some of the most baffling then Broken Age manages to get it somewhere in between the two. A nice equilibrium of comprehendible and challenging. I was stumped a couple times but not necessarily for long. I was generally very pleased once I had a puzzle figured out. I didn't have to resort to just rubbing everything on everything after a while or anything like that.

Even better was the logic behind some puzzles. Each environment is very well directed and explained so that you can piece things together if you spent long enough talking to people. And you'll want to because the characters are very enjoyable. While there's no dedicated hint system, Vella and Shay will give occasional hints if you just sit there, thinking. That's a reasonable touch.

And, it looks gorgeous! It's often been likened to a story book and I can see why. It's all bright colours that look like they've been done with crayons or chalks, it's all marvelous looking. The character designs are all interesting, the environments can be breathtakingly beautiful but they're all separate, giving you a definite sense of moving forwards. Animation is just very smooth. Sure, it might be a little simple on characters but it's all so imaginative on most of them I really don't care. Everything else sort of masks any limitations of the software here.

If I had to pick at it, I would say it is short. It's hard to pin that to the game as a negative though. I mean, if you're looking for something longer and meatier, I can't help you as this is actually half of the full game that will then be added to much later when it's complete.

Yeah, I know! £20 or about $25 for half a game? That sounds really crappy! I wouldn't be too eager for such a deal either. I wouldn't blame you if you just waited for the full thing to be made and added in.

Is this a con? Well, not really. I know that's a lot of money for only a part of a game but that then makes this a guarantee. That sounds like a rip off but it's some damn good couple of hours right here with the promise of several more on top. I got through the game within two or three hours but they're finely crafted and memorable dollops of time. Almost like a gourmet meal in a fancy restaurant. It's very tasty if not very much. Again, like The Stanley Parable or Dear Esther for the same reasons here. They're all rich experiences and stories. I think this deserves the investment!

Otherwise, for nitpicking? I dunno, while the voice acting is pretty good, Vella seems a touch flat...maaaaaybe? I don't think she's as well acted as Shay, which I find bizarre but Mr Wood is great in this. This really is me just looking for bad because I still enjoyed Vella's character. She's still very likeable, I think I'm just being very, very picky...

As for other complaints I've heard, I found the difficulty of puzzles about right for me although I don't consider myself the best at them and £20 is a lot but I think the first half does a lot to not only justify it's price but encourage investment in more.

I'm sorry but I'm really smitten with this. I can't find much to find wrong here! Go buy! Seriously! Go! It's a good game that deserves your support! It's smart, funny and enthralling! If I ever used a rating system, this would break it! Go!

Mr Schafer is not full of money yet!

He's like a Luma from 'Mario Galaxy' only he eats your cash and explodes into good games.​

So, I've moved house and this means me interwebs have been cut. They will be put back this week with a little luck but I've found a coffee shop to drop in momentarily to say hi, check on things and such.

But most of all....umm...I...I

[size=+1]I MISS YOU ALL![/size]

​

Hello,

So, a couple of days back, I was making some thingy to promote 'February is Boring' and I came to a part based on Neoshadow Zac's LP of Octodad. And I realised, I didn't know Zac's OC or what it looked like. So I asked him. It was this:

​

Reasonably standard Pony Maker jobbie. Now! Don't get me wrong; I like the Character Creation tools you can find. Some are very comprehensive. I learned to colour the way I do now thanks to the Furry Whatsit Maker from Gen8Hedgehog.

Yes, my internet life started on the dark recesses of Bebo where these were abundant in the RP scene there. If you remember that place, I can only apologize for making you feel strangely old now as you read this.

Anyway, I think the Pony Maker is pretty good. It has poses, it has a wide variety of things to add and change about your character. For an artist, it's actually a pretty good tool for just experimenting with colour schemes or certain positions. From there, you just redraw the modelled pony with all the details you can't replicate in the flash doodah.

But I couldn't feel comfortable having a pony like that as my avatar. I'm kinda too DIY-happy for that. I like a bespoke image I've smithed myself to display my persona. I don't know why, I just do.

But I've rarely done an image I'm 90% proud of or even more. They've always had flaws or things that just doesn't seem to fit. Some things just not drawn correctly or anything like that. And I used to draw full on furry stuff which is pretty challenging. The maw could be awkward or two long or two short or the teeth didn't look right.

I remember the faces looking good but the clothes looking flat or the body proportions being wrong some how. It was all over the place.

Anyway, back to NSZ's OC.

Just before I added his OC in, I was struck with the bizarre notion that this thing was just simply wrong. That the colours weren't right. The wings didn't sit correctly. The jewelry didn't look right but I was convinced I could fix it, as arrogant as that sounds.

So, I did. Apparently, Neoshadow Zac is a 'Batpony' that is made of shadows. In fact, the 'Neoshadow' part of the name comes from a Heartless type in Kingdom Hearts II.

​

They're also made of shadow and have certain characteristics that could make for a cooler, more visually interesting OC. Just little elements of this Neoshadow to make Zac more interesting beyond the limitations of the Pony Maker.

So, for some reason, I came up with this:

​

Now, here's the thing: I really like this picture. I like the idea of him evaporating into the air. I like the idea of his mane and tail being so contrasting to break up the purples and blues. I like the ragged wings. I can't find much to complain about with this.

But why? The majority of artists I have ever met with a range of skills tend towards the opinion that there's always something wrong. The artist can always find mistakes or reasons to put the picture down in some fashion with their could-have-been's. It's kinda interesting. But why am I not doing that with this? I know there are some mistakes in here. I just don't dwell on them.

It feels a little odd to be this proud of a piece of work.

But, has anyone else made something they're super proud of? Does anyone else draw something and find a million and one flaws in it despite everypony around you going ape over it? Do I just know a lot of downer arty types? I'd kinda like to know what you think on this.

[size=+1]Sonic 2...For Android[/size]​

Yep! 2014 and I'm still messing around with my weird little Chinese Android tablet. It was broken yesterday for some reason. So, in my effort to fix it, I know more about this little thing than I ever cared to know.

It's hopes, it's dreams and it's model number. Lucky, lucky me! I brought a device that turned out to be a real pain in the flank to fix.

Lucky, lucky me!

Anyway, Sonic 2. Sonic 2 is awesome. Sonic 2 is one of my earliest gaming experiences and it's one of my favourites. It's just fun, challenging and so simple to pick up and play. It basically made me buy a Mega Drive years afterward. It's a highly acclaimed game, so highly that it's also getting a HD version.

Sonic 1? Meh. OK. Good but no Sonic 2.

So, when you think 'Remake', you can't think of anything that great. Especially on Android. I mean, translating a set of physical buttons to a virtual version is hilariously/frustratingly annoying. They're either too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Or taking up too much of the screen. Some are just too difficult to find without a physical button there to use. Some emulators seem like that. Trying to play an N64 emulator with a tablet is guilty of most of these control sins. If it's not the fact that you can't see the game for all the semi-translucent buttons, your prodding your thumbs around the screen uselessly looking for the 'Z' button. Generally, try and find something physical to control stuff with and everything will be hunky-dory.

And...Oh, Sega. Your PC Ports can be absolute crap. Don't get me wrong, you make cool games. Crazy Taxi, Sonic Adventure 1 and 2, Sonic Generations? Good games. They're fine but their all coded horribly! The options menu has been known to do absolutely nothing for the Dreamcast Ports. And the menu for trying to get a controller to work is as easy to use as a missile launcher console. Oh! And Sonic Generations has optimisation that reminds me of a brick being fed into a paper shredder.

That could also be my Intel graphics card but they're not that new. A quick check would be nice, you know?

Anyway, thank Celestia's Unmentionables for Christian Whitehead.

​

This is the man that has taken Sega's old 2D Sonic games and brought them into the 21st century. I am staggered on how well this man has recreated this game. This man, who resembles a stunt double for Alice Cooper, has made an engine I would love to tinker with.

It's called The Retro Engine. It emulates 32bit and lower era graphics tricks and effects but with updated technologies and modern memory sizes to make the age old graphics come to life as vibrant, poppy visuals. It does this wonderfully. This version of Sonic 2 is amazing looking. Not only does it incorporate 3D elements in a way that makes sense to enhance the game, it's even got new additions to the original.

So, same stuff as Sonic CD which was also made with the same engine. So, Japanese and USA and European box art. Woo? Eh, it's a small touch. Then there's all these 3D menu options, which I'll get to but let's talk about the game itself.

You have the curious choice of Sonic, Sonic and Tails, Tails alone and Knuckles. Yes, they built into this as standard what you'd ordinarily need the cartridges for Sonic 2 and Sonic and Knuckles to play. I like this addition. It really knows how to harness any nostalgia it possibly can.

The controls are decent for a touch screen controller set. They're programmed well enough to register your button presses as long as their on the correct side of the screen. Considering all you need is a D-Pad and 1 button for jumping, Sonic 2 translates rather well because of it's simplicity. While they're not perfect and physical buttons are still far, far better but they're perfectly serviceable. They're nice and loose, almost all pickiness has been taken out of them. It seems to work best if you adopt a play style of never keeping your thumb on the screen if you don't need it to be there. That seems to gel well with these virtual controls. It works decently.

Now, here's something interesting: Tails can fly. Now, Knuckles has always been able to glide or climb when in Sonic 2 but Tails doesn't get to let the player fly until the third game. Does it break Sonic 2? No. It makes it slightly less annoying to get to places but it doesn't really take away much challenge. You still have to actually dodge enemies and attacks, which can and will get you if your not paying attention.

I put it to you that, just like how flying made Sonic CD's insane time travel mechanics possible to actually attempt without much frustration, flying lowers the bar enough for someone to attempt to collect the Chaos Emeralds as long as they have the patience.

Speaking of, Special Stages look gorgeous in my opinion. I'll let you see one for yourself so you can guess why.

OK...Maybe you can't...​

What that was supposed to show is the 3D rendered special stage. The old gameplay is back from the original, it's just all in a 3D rendered magic. It really does look good.

However, I will say that the controls here are very fiddly. They're not at their best here. In fact, being able to drag Sonic or whoever across the screen with your finger would have been awesome. Or even made more sense but...ah well!

Yeah, there's a little sprinkling of modern gaming conventions that we've really gotten used to in 2014. They range from small to rather massive. Like save files. You can turn the feature off and play the game just as 1992 intended but that is so, so welcome for people that just want to play Sonic 2 comfortably. I like that there's the choice of switching it off. It's thought for the hardcore gamer there that sticks their nose up at any reduction in challenge in their games.

Next up are alternative modes. This is Sonic so it's mainly Time Trial Mode. It's unlocked completely by finishing the game itself as a whole. On top of a time trial level for every stage you have a save saying you've gotten through, you also have a Boss Attack mode. I haven't tried it yet but I'm rather pleased with the amount of stuff present in this thing.

And it get's better. They included Hidden Palace - an originally scrapped Sonic stage that was finished and then put into this game. I am all for this. Perhaps when we get the Android and iOS Sonic 3, they'll do the same thing. Afterall, they all must have had some levels left over when they chopped it in half to make Sonic and Knuckles.

Then, there's Achievements. Sacrilege? In all honesty, I don't care. It's pleasant if you ever get one but most of them seem way, way too hard for a dirty casual like myself just playing this for fun. 'Get Every Ring in a Stage', 'Collect all Seven Chaos Emeralds before Chemical Plant'. Yeash! I can barely manage to get three of them! You want me to get them in the first few stages? Some of them are simple enough, sure, but otherwise, they don't factor. But I don't mind them being there. They're pleasing as well as very interesting suggestions for gameplay in an old classic.

Seriously, I never knew you could get all seven in the first couple of levels.

Finally, the most bafflingly awesome part of this: Online Capabilities! The slightly dull one is that your Level Times are saved, letting you compete with everyone around the world.

Or you can take them on directly, because it has online multiplayer too!

First time I played this, it just made me smile near constantly. It was lovely. Seemed smooth, easy to set up, very little fuss involved with the random player match up. Best of all, you can now play eight stages in the game in multiplayer rather than the now pitiful four stages of 1992's version.

This is awesome. It's not ruined with a little text box or a voice chat, it's literally just like someone has plugged a controller into your machine from miles away. It's pretty satisfying.

I had my flank handed to me but it was satisfying.

A few problems did emerge. Like any multiplayer game, you can get some strange lag spikes if you're playing people far away. There also seems to be no 'Skip Level' or 'Surrender Option'. A couple of times, I found that I had reached the other end of a stage and beaten my opponent to the finish line. However, it seems the countdown timer for hurrying you to the end of the stage will not murderfy you if you choose to hang back and relax. So, if you're not careful, you could get some munchkin that seems to want nothing more than either waste your time or simply cannot figure out what he's doing. I wouldn't mind if there was a way of countering this but I can't find any other way other than just quitting.

At it's very, very worst, the mod is farcical to play. Your opponent jerks along and can even vanish from the screen while the game searches for them. It's just kind of baffling how bad this mode can get considering everything else. In special stages, an opponent would be reacting to things happening a minute ago. Exploding on their own accord, picking up magical pixie rings that only exist for them but still register on the ring count...then vanish again. When it is broken, it is seriously broken! It's like this 20 year old game contracts Dementia suddenly.

So, multiplayer is cool and easy to set up but seems to run into a few awkward hiccups that can ruin the experience if you're unlucky. Perhaps try and play with people sitting next to you on the same network than people miles and miles away.

'Would I recommend this?' is the ultimate question. By the Pinkiest of Pies, yes I bloody would! It's portable Sonic 2 that does nothing but attempt to add to the experience with everything it can do confidently. It's a good, solid package. I've played it on my 7" tablet and my titchy little Motorola Defy you might remember I used to review something in one of my few video reviews. Both work fine. In fact, you loose nothing between each version other than screen space.

The price? I payed on Google Play £2. That is fantastic. That is about $3.31. That is excellent worth for the money.

Christian Whitehead, please stop Sega from making any more ports. You do a fantastic job at it. Sonic 2 and Sonic CD work perfectly on PC and Android. Just take their tools away or even make them use your Retro engine to make Sonic 4: Episode 2. Otherwise, Sega making games for anything other than a console is just...is just...

Obvious joke is obvious. Ah well, still mildly amusing.​

[size=+1]Movie Round Up of 2013[/size]​

Happy New Year, one and all! Hopefully, there will be a grand ol' time had by all in 2014. A time for new beginnings and to choose what you're going to fail to give up or achieve. Sorry, the statistics of resolutions are woeful...

In fact, they should fail very soon, now that it's the second week of January.

Still! Reviewer types like me will look to the past year and count down their top 10 lists and I don't want to be left behind in that respect. However, I can only really manage this with games. I've been playing new ones regularly for half a year now and I think I can get together a decent Top 10 of the best and worst of what I've had to play or review this year.

For movies? Errrrr...nope. Can't. Not enough material there! I've seen a few this year but I've not gone out to see a great deal. Even so, I think these are pretty decent flicks for different reasons and I'd like to offer this separately from the 'Worst/Best' video thing I'll shove together in the first week or so of January.

So, here's what I managed to catch and what I thought:

Frozen

This was made by the same people who made Wreck-It Ralph and Tangled. I can kinda leave it there. Both are excellent movies that attempt fresh feeling ideas and taking Disney away from being such an anachronism it feels like with all it's 'Princess' molarky. Tangled livened up and added a great deal of fun, excitement and even drama to what could have been a boring re-telling of 'Rapunzel' in the similar vein of Snow White or even...oh boy...Pocahontas.

Frozen is basically a modern version of The Snow Queen. A little princess. Elsa, is born with magic ice powers and is told to hide them away after an accident involving her little sister, Anna. Elsa locks herself up in her room after the girls' parents are killed off in a sea storm. For about 15-odd years, Elsa stays locked in her room while Anna - who had to have her memories of Elsa's powers removed for...health reasons - gets the rest of the locked up castle to go mad in. One day, Elsa is crowned queen, allowing the castle to open up and let Anna meet people for the first time in ages. In the excitement, Elsa lets her powers get out of control when Anna asks to get married to a guy she has known for a night. In the anger, Elsa flees and builds an ice castle, locking herself from the world below, unaware that she's accidentally caused an eternal winter.

Anna must talk reason into her sister and bring back Summer for her kingdom.

It's all vaguely Scandinavian in it's look and feel but most of the characters are predictably American. Complain about cultural issues all you like, the songs are upbeat, catchy and even have some decent humour to them. My favourite being from Olaf the Snowman dreaming about getting to experience summer while being blissfully unaware that it would spell his doom. It's a beautifully comical piece.

The characters really shine in this. The relationship between the two sisters Elsa and Anna is touching. Being forced apart then allowed to see each other again seems genuinely awkward but exciting for them both. Their love for each other as sisters is actually deeply central to the story so it's good to see that it appears genuine. Krystof and Sven are also pretty enjoyable. While we know little about them both, the odd relationship between Man and Reindeer is a natural place for good comic relief. Having an anthropomorphised reindeer (possibly dog-like) might be borrowing a little from the amazing horse from Tangled, although it's certainly not the same character or dynamic. It's not a terrible thing at all to see this idea pushed in a slightly different direction from the proud guard horse to a sort of schlubby bachelor.

Elsa's hardship and fear about her powers is normally something that feels somewhat forced in other movies. Here, things feel rather well set up and explained, for the most part. The ice appear to form involuntarily when she's anxious, signifying her lack of confidence and trust in herself. It's this emotion that she's been told to purge that eventually scares people into hating and fearing her. It's a decent set up, adding to the strong emotional core of the movie.

Even so, there's sadly little depth given to the source of Elsa's powers or what exactly her limits are. After all, she builds a castle within minutes and creates living snow golems without much trouble. The limits seem to fluctuate a little while juggling just how overpowered Elsa appears to be. I can accept that the full extent of her abilities is limited by her own knowledge but some more details would add some flesh to them. Especially to the purpose of the 'red ice' that pops up menacingly whenever Elsa appears to become...well, not 'evil'. Just very stressed out...

But this is me pushing myself to find something to dislike about this movie! Seriously, I did not expect to find one of the best movies of the year coming from Disney but...Hey! They did! Any complaints are out the window because of the strong emotional core at the centre!

Another complaint I've heard is it's distribution of music. Expect to hear a lot in the first 30 minutes or so. Me? Didn't mind that. The songs are catchy...to my ear anyway. I appreciate something with some good humour thrown in while still advancing plot or character development. I like the songs as they seems unabashedly cheesey just to add to the innocence of the early scenes while playing up the and I like this movie. It's just enjoyable, fun and highly energetic. I dare you not to laugh or even smile...On your second screening. Don't want to be the sourpuss in the corner! You'll get...sour milk....ABANDON JOKE!




The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

This is actually pretty enjoyable.

OK, OK, forget the books at this point. Seriously, I heard the opinion of a Tolkien fan once and she said that this translation to a cinema screen was basically warped almost beyond recognition. She happened to be saying this while burning an effigy of Peter Jackson so I'm pretty sure the film is playing very fast and loose with the material.

I simply don't care. I really don't! The Hobbit 'Saga' so far has been enjoyable and Desolation of Smaug works harder than the first half to justify itself as an entertaining movie. It's exciting for one! Dwarves are smacking things right and left. The godlike killing machine known as Legolas turns up for whatever reason. It's still entertaining to watch him slaughter orcs as if using cheat codes although at least he's somewhat unlikeable in this. His elvish arrogance is on full display here, fleshing the character out nicely.

Bilbo starts to take a bit of a backseat to the dwarves and elves, popping up sparingly this time. I don't mind this. It starts to make this more of an ensemble story that will bounce around each thread as it needs to. After all, the dwarves are probably more central to this story than the hapless hobbit they brought along to be a burglar and little else. His talking scenes with the very threatening Smaug himself are pretty good. The idea of an entire city filled with gold that contains this huge beast looks wonderous and grandiose. The details of Smaug can be pretty well done, such as the noise of coins falling from Smaug's scales to alert the Dwarves to him moving overhead. It was such a well done character that rivals but doesn't surpass Gollum/Smeagol at the moment.

And yes, Gandalf spends a lot of time meandering around, looking into this Necromancer business while one of the Elves falls in love with one of the dwarves. In the first Hobbit, I'd feel like it was needless padding. In this, I actually don't mind at all. In fact, I rather enjoyed learning about what these groups are up to. I like Radegast, the Elves in their cave was interesting to see while they discussed what do to and I found the initial spark between dwarf #7 and that elf woman quite sweet. While this move is predominantly subplot, The Hobbit seems like the best place for it. They're not rushing through places that have been affected by Sauron yet. They are travelling through places that have their own problems and their own interests. Generally, they couldn't care all that much about The Lonely Mountain's gold. I like it, it's world building. It gives the impression that this is just one of hundreds of stories going on at the same time. It gives each area life and texture as if each location existed far longer than the events of the film took place rather than simply pop up out of no where to advance the plot.

Overall, it's a good movie. It's worth your time to see. It's not quite as solid as the Lord of the Rings, especially when it's so long with it's run-time of around 2 hours. Even so, it's full of enjoyable ideas and scenes. It's worth the time and money to see.




Equestria Girls

Umm...In a word? A mixed bag.

This film is really...polarising. There's some really good elements to this.

I like some of the ideas at play. I like the idea that Twilight is utterly clueless to begin with. It makes for some decent comedy as she awkwardly slams her fists into a keyboard or stumbles around in her vaguely fashionable boots. It's awkward to watch in the way that it should be. It's not afraid to make Twilight look like a weirdo and it does fit. Partly due to this being a drastically different universe that's auto-magically transformed the former pony into a teenage-ish human (well, what a human would look like if you're basis of what a human looks like was a cross between Doug and Bratz dolls) and partly because Twilight has been shown to be a real oddball.

After all, who else reacts to being slightly late with sending a regular friendship report by enchanting a soft toy while wearing a panicked grin pulled taught by the ever more ratcheted tension inside than the recently crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle.

So, that fits. Furthermore, the song is all right. It's OK. It doesn't endear to me much. As well as a few fun jokes or ideas here and there, the rest is me just picking holes in it. Afterall, when Friendship is Magic loosens up and has a little fun with itself, it's endearing to watch.

My issues start with the School Setting. I dislike school settings. I generally find them limiting and overdone. This one isn't badly done but you can't help but see 'Girls still like High School Musical, right?' written all over it. Thank goodness the villain...Starlight Shimmer, right? Yeah, thank goodness she turns into a demon and breaks the usual cliches of these movies by attempting to blow everything up.

Predictably, the story centres around this world's version of the other Main 6 ponies not getting along and Twilight must rebuild their friendship. Pleasingly though, each character is just as they would be normally and are delightful as always, even if Twilight is the focus. Friendship is Magic and this film is generally good with side characters chipping in an occasional funny line or two, with the undeniable queen of this being Pinkie. In fact, trying to play a guessing game with each character and which pony they've been translated from is pretty appealing. Some feel lazier than others but, eh! That's what DeviantArt is for.

Personally, I like the idea of a slight colour to Twilight. Not lylac, you understand but I remember a few different ethnicities being experimented with...

And Punk Mohawk Spike catching up on his sleep, too!​

But! Does this movie do enough to deserve to exist? Eh...It doesn't seem to impact much and it's not as detestable as we all thought it would be going in. It's worth a look but I won't be watching it of my own volition when the show is still going. Nice try guys but how about staying in Equestria next time?




Star Trek: Into Darkness

I remember liking this the first time I saw it in the same way I remember enjoying Transformers when it first came out. It was big, it seemed interesting, it was a fun, action-filled adventure!

This has not matured like a fine wine, over the year. No, watching this a few times has given me this big aversion to this film. Not so much an aged wine than a vial of bleach...

The first one was good. It has the action and the drama of something that looked promising. There's glimpses of that here in it's opening. The crew of the Enterprise is full of excellent actors putting in some really appealing performances as these various characters. It's just a hoot-and-a-bloody-half to watch Scotty or Bones or Spock or even Sulu in this! They're all actors I enjoy seeing in these roles.

And they desperately needed a plot with a brain in it's head! Something fascinating to sink it's teeth into! Even a retread of one of the original movies would have done!

Instead, we got Khan. Yeah, yeah, Spoilers and stuff but the movie has been out for months now! If How It Should Have Ended didn't bother with a spoiler on this, neither am I!

Anyway, this plot showed some promise. I liked all the double crosses. I enjoyed the mystery of these Cryotubes. I liked how they pieced the ideas together. I liked that it bothered to establish, at least in some small way, that the Klingon's were a growing concern.

It's just bloody Khan that makes or breaks this.

On the positive, Benedict Cumberbatch is giving a mesmerisingly dead-pan performance that grabs you by the lapels and makes sure your listening. This, I approve of. Khan is a damn scary guy and gives off all the right levels of menace. His voice is level and booms through the theater. He can snarl when he needs to. It's awesome. As a character, I have little issue with Khan being here.

However, the concepts surrounding Khan and his suddenly flipping roles are just bloody infuriating. I know it comes up alot but why make a twist that has no impact on the story and wouldn't have if Spock had kept his mouth shut, like he should have. The original concept of Khan Noonien Singh was that he was a superman, a genetically improved human that controlled a good chunk of the Earth in the 1990's (the show was written in the Sixties, cut them some slack). He is the mirror of Kirk. He is Kirk's rival. He is one of the most powerful adversaries Kirk ever had.

And I think they want to try and recapture some of that lightning in a bottle.

But the rivalry was set up at the start. It had a point, something for Kirk to rise up against. Something to challenge Kirk and his crew that was almost as formidable as he was.

In this film, he just kinda turns around and attempts to murder them. He's only a straight up psycho. There's little else to him other than a deep voice and killing people. Admiral Marcus is a far more interesting and devastating villain than Khan. His motives are clear, you can see how he might have arrived at the conclusion that building a Warship was a good idea.

Khan is just one-track minded and hangs around to drag the final act out far longer than it should have been. We didn't need to see the ship crash into Earth. The chase was exciting but excessive.

It's just...Khan was unnecessary. His primary purpose was to shock the audience. It just feels cheep and distracts the story from what could have been a half-decent Star Trek flick.




The Croods

Not a bad movie at all.

Firstly, Nicolas Cage is pretty enjoyable in this. As the only voice you'll likely recognise, it's important he's good. Thankfully, he gives an enjoyable performance while always having the bravery to go wild or animalistic with grunts or snarls or barks. Although, knowing of Cage's past works, I imagine he does this anyway. It's lucky it fits well with the rest of the movie.

Animation is where this shines as the story is a little basic.

The world appears to be going through tectonic shifts and this has forced The Croods family out of their cave and into the wide world. The elder daughter of the family yearns for new experiences while the others are taught that anything new is basically deadly. They stumble on a smart primitive named 'Guy' who creates fire then bring him along on their quest to find a new cave to live in.

So far, it all feels like Ice Age, what with the trek across ancient lands with an ensemble of quirky characters working together to overcome obstacles.

However, the film is gorgeous to behold. It's brightly coloured and full of energy. It basically throws realism out the window as it actively creates bizarre cross species creatures all over the place. Like the Cat/Owl. Or the Elephant/Giraffe. The plants and the creatures simply look hugely appealing just from their design. Coupled with some intuitive movements and characteristics, these creatures seem to cement themselves as something memorable.

Look! I have to show you one!

Oh yeah! That's an Owlcat! Would you like that pawing your lap? No! You'd be throwing all the fish you could find at it to hopefully appease it!​

Speaking of animation, what's interesting is how animalistic the human characters are allowed to get. The Croods themselves will bite, snarl, prowl and knock each other over. The granny character attempts to eat the son at one point. The youngest daughter is actually rabbid. They're all very energetic performances that make excellent sense in the world they live in.

Finally, the comedy is decent. Not spectacular but not terrible. Just funny enough to keep you tittering through it.

Otherwise, I recommend it. It's a decent, imaginative family-flick.




And that's 2013. Here's to 2014, ay?

As for my most anticipated movie? The Lego Movie! Oh my word! How hard to I want to see that movie! It's from the people who made Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs but made with one of my favourite toys of all time! This cannot fail to raise my excitement!

Right! Now for the 2013 Games lists!

How about you tell me what your looking forward to in 2014 in the comments below?

[size=+1]The Foxy Fantastic Fish Finger Surprise[/size]​

I've done something that I've never, ever done in a culinary environment: attempt to invent something. And this is one of the most potentially bizarre things that me and a couple of friends could possibly come up with. It's baffling that this all works but...good lord is it surprisingly satisfying.

Either that or my tastebuds are faulty.

The Recipe:

Two Slices of Bread
Mayonnaise (I used Hellmann's)
Fish fingers (I used Birdseye ones)
Custard (I used Ambrosia Custard)
(Optional) Butter or spread.

Simply, coat the bread in Mayo then lay fish fingers on the bread. Finally, add a little custard and enjoy.

Why does this work? Why is this so delicious to me? This Doctor-Who Inspired sandwich concocted of utter lunacy. It's flavour is a mix of slightly sweet, slightly tangy but all warm, savoury breaded fish. This should not work and yet I eagerly finished the whole thing. It is named in honour of one of my friends - Foxytail - and mimics his tendencies to alliterate his TF2 custom names for his weapons. Furthermore, it's a sandwich of things I knew he liked. Sometimes, random mixing is fun. Credit also goes to Sara who brought most of the ingredients and wouldn't have made this sandwich possible without wanting some fish fingers in the first place.

So...It's the beginning of the year, nothing is out yet and I haven't finished any 'Best/Worst of 2012' stuff yet. So, have this sandwich that I will now crave for a few hours yet.

Be careful, we're not sure what this sandwich will do on one's system...I'll need a few more to test them out.

Yes, yes, I know. This isn't a review but who cares, ay?

So, here's a few thoughts.

Merry Christmas. It sounds corny but try and do all the traditional things. Making gingerbread, perpetuating the belief of mythical figures, playing games. It'll raise you happiness. No joke, science has my back on this.

I was thinking: How many brony radios have a game show?

Do you think it would be a good idea? We'd need a host and it would likely be a mix of general knowledge and pop culture questions but hopefully, it would be fun.

I could host. It sounds fun. Trying to come up with gimmicks and stuff like that to keep it interesting.

Do you think that sounds good?

Well, I have my tablet pen and I need to figure out some new themes and rearrangement of the radio page. That will be a job for the new year along with a few other tweeks.

Oh! Leave Polar Express alone! It looks a little stilted but it tries! Sentimentality with some additions of random prittiness.

Pick on the Jim Carry 'Christmas Carol', I say. It tries to add an old man flying through the air and a laughing skeleton crumbling to dust.

Festive to the max!

Sleep well everypony, have a good one.

[size=+1]Time Surfer, Punch Quest and QWOP[/size]​

So...I've found that I've been on my tablet quite a bit. That's good because it's justifying the £60 price tag. But, I have to say, I didn't expect any of the last Android Humble bundle to still have some of my attention. And they do, but only in differing levels that I'll order for you right here. So, from least absorbing to the most, here's Time Surfer, QWOP and Punch Quest for Android.

QWOP​

Something else linking these three titles is not only their presence in a bundle but their Arcade/Flash game styling in their presentation. Aaaand QWOP is the most blatant lift from a flash game that has been altered for an Android release.

Yeah. Remember that game you picked up and played with for five minutes, laughing for only two as the silly little man tries to walk and fails again and again?

Well, that got an Android HD update. Thanks Humble Bundle?

The Game is largely unchanged. QWOP is an athlete from somewhere that couldn't train their only hope for gold in anything, let alone walking. So, with all the grace of a new born lamb, you attempt to participate anyway. Expect to flop straight over regularly because, if anything, the controls are even more awkward.

The appeal of the last game was mainly in it's novelty. It was one joke about this silly game being incredibly hard to play properly. You could beat it if you were masochistic enough to figure out a way of moving forwards and staying upright. You could beat it but mostly, I remember people playing it for about an hour. After that, it was on to the next stupid thing the internet had to offer. Or back to Line Rider.

The Android version needed to overcome the gameplay being anything other than a novelty. It needed to be playable while also adding something the flash game could have used.

So, this port has touch controls. QWOP's arms and legs are controlled by the position of your thumbs between two diamonds on either side of the screen. With these, you can make QWOP go through the motions of running by bending and stretching his leg. The idea is to move your thumbs around to make him plod along as best as you can for as long as you can. For added control, tilting the tablet back and forth will make QWOP lean forwards or backwards to help balance you.

I can't do this for the life of me. The controls seem just about solid as you can get when you remove the keyboard from the equation. Give Noodlecake credit for realising that onscreen buttons can be difficult to roll your thumb over when you need them. For a tablet, this is the best QWOP could ever be. But I find that I don't care much for it.

It has extra modes. Not just the standard 100m sprint but a steeplechase and a hurdles mode. I can't get the guy to move forwards without face-planting the ground. What challenge trying to get him to jump over stuff is hilariously greater than my abilities. I simply don't care enough to really try and complete this game. I can't play it very well so I don't pick it up as often. The HD upgrade is nice but it's ultimately pointless as far as I'm concerned.

Punch Quest​

This is kinda fun. I don't feel that much affinity for it but it is a solid little thing to get through bus journeys with.

The formula to this is very basic and anyone that has played even a modicum of flash games will feel familiarity with this one.

While napping, a muscle bound meathead is hit on the head with an apple. He assumes he was attacked and so goes on a rampage in a nearby dungeon full of monsters and stuff. Another female meathead hears the word 'punch' and decides to join in the rampage of the stupid. Thus the plot begins.

Oh! And there's a Gnome that gives you bonuses for fulfilling achievements and gains XP. Each level brings him closer to his goal of being a God. Barely mentioned otherwise and pops up sparingly. It's just some weird addition they threw in to be zany, I guess.

Gameplay is a basic as beat-em-ups can possibly get. You will constantly run forwards. Every time you hit one button, you punch. Hit the other and you uppercut. This is the only upwards move you have and counts as your jump as well. If you hit the uppercut in mid-air, you can then slam things into the ground with your fists to make them crash into enemies.

The gameplay is actually fast, fluid, challenging and kinda fun. Your aim is to pummel through waves of these monsters made up of usual dungeon crawler monsters. They get harder and their variation is decent. Some will cast magic missiles, some will carry shields and some will fly. Your aim is to survive through this dungeon for as long as possible. What's nice is that you can't just hammer the punch button the whole way. Some you have to block or jump over to avoid damage before unleashing your fists. They even threw in a few, simple bosses that give a nice big reward for them afterwards.

There's a leveling system in there too which increases your life bar every increment and seems to be filled by killing stuff. Seeing as you start this randomly generated dungeon run over again when you die, killing everything isn't a bad strategy to rake everything possible from a fresh run.

Lastly, you build up a sort of rage meter at the bottom of the screen as you kill enemies. Your punches gain higher levels of power as you go, resulting in mega-damage once it's at maximum. It's kept topped up by killing things. So, to maintain the uber-power-up, you kill things. Makes sense.

So, the main game is quick, simple and engaging. The rest of it is an upgrade-a-thon. You collect coins in game that you spend on upgrades. These range from special attack variants, alternative punching styles, extra passive abilities to hats and gameplay enhancers. Yeah, you can customise your character as well as give yourself a temporary boost to either money potential or enemy likelihood. They work and I don't see many additions here that feel useless, outside of simple cosmetics.

However...The game's also kinda a meh for me too. Your only sense of progression through this game is in what you've managed to buy so far. It's a rather damning staple of Flash Games that can take away from some games but add to others, depending on the context.

Take Learn To Fly or Hedgehog Launch two games that utilise a monetary system to indicate progress. Go play them, they're a couple of favourites of mine. Both of them have a clear goal your spending your wealth towards. Either your a penguin attempting to build a working flying machine or a tiny space program hoping to make their first ever prickly astronaut get into space. There's a clear goal throughout, driving your little struggle with your limited resources forwards.

Punch Quest has nothing like that. It's experience is soiled by the fact, at least for me, that you have nothing to strive for except filling up an XP bar and buying things. It's basically Gold Grinding: The Game. That's not something I'll play for too long, no matter how well presented it is.

Time Surfer​

So, as the last on this list, you've guessed that this is my favourite out of the three chosen. While, yes, it feels like a Flash game that's been lifted up and given an HD upgrade, but actually isn't, Time Surfer proves to be not only the more grasping but more challenging of the three. It's simple and just as pick up and play than the others, sure. It's the effect and care in the design that elevates it a little. At least in it's execution.

Plot? Umm...Your a little man on a surfboard trying to outrun the End of the Universe. And for some reason, you can turn back time, Prince of Persia style!

Seriously, that's it! We're not looking for anything more complex than "Look out, duuuuuuuude! Ya gonna be Hawking'd! That's Steven Hawking'd duuuuude! Time to ride!". And, yes...I had that same voice in my head writing that as you had reading it.

As you can guess, we're going more gameplay based here. The first comparison would be Line Rider and it's close but imagine that crossed with Canabalt.

Your little man on a surfboard has to traverse a wibbly-wobbly line using nothing but momentum gained from riding the slopes. The momentum increases and builds speed, meaning you're further away from the danger of the 'End of the World' but now harder to control. Seeing as it's still possible to lose your momentum over time, you have to keep it up by riding slopes, stomping on something or picking up speed boosts. This needs skill as your only control over your movement is a dive button that makes your character force a plummet to the ground. Ordinarily, this is used to gain speed on downward slopes but it can also be to immediately dive under something to avoid death or land on a platform so you don't fall into a pit.

Seeing as you will almost always need to move forwards or The End of the World will get you, this control idea makes sense. It also demands a little skill with timing. In order to get the maximum from a slope, you have to time when you push and release the dive button well enough to then engage at the very top and release at the very bottom. Hold it down the whole time and you'll cling to the ground and inch along like a snail. Remember; your constantly followed by a Fiery Wall of Doom!

To make things a little more complex, you have other stuff too. There's pits to fall into. There's Aliens and Asteroids that can either be bounced off of or crashed into, reminiscent of the momentum mechanics of the Sonic games. They make sense here too, as they don't 'hurt' you, only slow you down for the aforementioned Wall of Death coming for you. Then there's the planets that float around and let you ride on their rings to let you fly onwards, keeping your speed. Lastly, straight up speed boosts.

But, if you've ever played a 2D Sonic or Mr Fancypants game, you'll be familiar with momentum mechanics. It's actually in the time travel that it makes itself a little more interesting.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time was pretty neat in the sense that it was unheard of to be able to instantly review mistakes and take the chance to fix them at a moments notice. At any moment, you could halt the fight your currently having and run the other way or hit someone else or not screw up this time.

Time Surfer has a similar idea at it's core but it actually feels integral to the experience. Because your character can get up to such ridiculous speeds, trying to avoid an obstacle in your way can be near impossible. You've likely hit it before you've seen it. But, the rewind lets you take things back and avoid it as if you knew it was there all along. That little editing thing can be surprisingly powerful for avoiding death.

Like The Sands of Time, rewinding isn't infinite. It takes purple gems to replenish your time power. Now, the amount of time you can rewind at maximum is decent for your needs and gems are plentiful. Usually, you'll be fine trying to keep your time powers. No real complaints, except that we're starting to sound a lot like Punch Quest, decent little romp but ultimately pointless.

Not so. There's a little mission system that unlocks pets and cake bonuses.

Pets will do various things and you can only take one with you as you surf the cosmos. Some give bonuses to speed or gem collection or something while others protect you from obstacles or death by pit by spitting you back out onto land. Unlocking them through completing these 'missions' does give a decent amount of purpose and challenge to the game, surprisingly! This is mainly in their creativity, such as actually being killed by 'The Wall of Death' within a certain distance or avoiding collecting gems.

Some are irritatingly confusing, such as collecting all the gems in a constellation without a Magnet power-up (which would ordinarily allow me to hoover up gems easily). It took me ages to figure out that gems you pick up are unaffected by your rewind. The solution is to fly back and forth through the gems with your rewind until you've picked them all up. Truly infuriating but a rare example of what's usually asked of you.

The other reason to unlock things is to pick up Space Cake. This is the currency of the game that unlocks new trails for your character and new character costumes. Ordinarily, I wouldn't care but some of these are pretty awesome. They have certain bonuses attached, meaning that there's actually a point to unlocking each one. Usually, it's in order to help you complete a certain mission. But they also made some pretty awesome costumes like...well...

​

These are all kinda charming to me. They might not add much more than a small buff to certain aspects of the game, but I don't care. I like that the forethought was made to try and include these and up the novelty a bit. It's nice touch...for me too geek out on.

Very lastly, as if this all wasn't enough, the game has two extra modes. Flicking right on the title screen reveals 'Hell Zone' and 'The Kepler Run'. These are just extra variants on the game if you get bored. Hell Zone is just as super hard mode and The Kepler Run introduces black holes that have to be used like slingshots to gain speed. Both are welcome.

So, in recap; QWOP is still as unplayable as ever. Punch Quest is silly but didn't hold my attention for very long. Time Surfer is a big winner with me.

A game that let's me drive a DeLorean like a drunken Evil Kenevil get's a thumbs up from me, I seems.

OK, at 7 EST, as long as there's no complications with my connection...

I will be playing 'The Stanley Parable', the HD remake of the critically acclaimed Source Mod that straight up plays with your mind. Ooooo, my god! It's like Dear Ester all over again.

If you wish for some thrills, spills and to have your mind blown...possibly, then join me tonight after NeoShadow Zac.

I've never played this so...Oh maaaaan!

Also, sorry for two blog posts so close to one another...

Let's try something a little different, shall we? Lemme tell you a little story and something that could make you salivate.

For a game that not many people are playing because the sequel is much better...By all reports.

[size=+1]PAYDAY: The Heist - Overdrill[/size]​

I really enjoy PAYDAY but man is it a challenge of a game. It's not necessarily cheap, I just don't think I'm all that good at it. I'm not that accurate with the realistic weapons, I haven't been playing for long enough to make my character worth working with by unlocking all the really cool stuff and I've been known to make a few rookie mistakes like popping out of cover with an unloaded gun.

I'm not all that brilliant at the game but I do find it enjoyable and I do attempt to pull my weight. Even so, doing job after job to grind stuff takes a long time.

For anyone with exactly the same thought as that one, oh boy! Do I have a little tale for you!

So me and a special lady of mine are playing the game. I'd set up a job on The New World Bank, the very first level in the game. It's simple and pretty fun to fight through, so I didn't mind it being on easy for the benefit of both of us. We play for a while and then get joined by a couple more guys. We work through the job well enough until it ends.

Then, sitting in the lobby for the next game, one of these guys - let's call him 'Bob' - suggests we play through that level again, talking about a massive score hidden within the game. He spins yarns about bars of gold hidden within the level that would require a very complicated set of actions to unlock, basically maximising the amount of money we would get from this venture around 200-fold or something. Seeing as money equals XP in this game, that would mean a huge boost in levels as well as equipment and it's efficiency. That sounded good.

So, Bob starts getting us to read up on something called 'Overdrill' online to get us familiar of what's going to need to happen before then guiding us through what to do. It was kinda funny to me in a way...

Think about it: here is a game where you play as a group of theives and some guy just causally tells us about a secret vault hidden within the game that we never new about that could set our loadouts up for the rest of our time playing the game. He was the man with the plan and we were the guys willing to take orders for our share. It felt like we were joining a mission to rob from the game itself, planning to pull a job on the developers. It's like planning to raid the Blizzard building or buying the Ice Key from Rare. In this sort of game, it was strangely meta how this one guy had this one score we could all try and get together. Like real bank robbers.

Eager and excited to be looking for secret gold, we started the mission.

So, The Overdrill Heist appears to go as normal. You walk inside, case the joint, look for cameras and then barge into the Bank's manager. Then, you start the heist. One of you gets a keycard from the manager while everyone else kills the cameras and any guards while taking as many hostages as possible. Once the door to the server room is open, two of you pick up the cans of Thermite and one of you picks up the drill. The Drill is placed on the door between you and the bank vault. From here, you sit and wait, picking off police and SWAT until the door is drilled through. Then you rush through to a room above the vault and drop the thermite onto the floor.

Ordinarily, this would be when the team could breathe easy. We'd gotten to the prize the game had told us was the goal. But Bob was giving directions.

The door that you drill leads into a Lobby with various lifts on either side. It looks like the lobby from The Matrix only it had colour and I was only armed with a shotgun, an automatic rifle and a silenced pistol. I guess I could knock out a few people with my ammo bag but I can't find the button. Plus, the coppers have guns. Running up to them to whack them with a heavy rucksack is only going to result in a few unwanted holes.

Anyway, the first aspect of Operation Overdrill is to not shoot the cameras once you get into this lobby after the drilled door. From here, you then arrange yourself into a sort of cross formation. I had to stand nearest the double doors at one end, facing the desk while another of the team faced me. Then the other two of the four man crew stood facing each other just in front of the desk.

Not even 'Stop 'n' Swap' was this weirdly complex. Sort of fitting...if I was playing Indiana Jones and the Funding for the Fourth Film​

This...somehow, triggered a little light in the desk to start flashing. This then revealed a shutter door at the far end of the second hallway leading down to the vault.

So, one of our party set up a second drill on this shutter then burned through the floor to get to the money in the vault while also sitting around watching the drill on the secret shutter. She would then constantly relay the current time left on the drill's counter.

The drill in these game's is basically a way of creating a time constraint on the group, forcing you to hold your ground in a certain position for a certain length of time. This is a lot harder than it sounds considering the relative realism of your task. You have guns and a finite amount of ammo. The police will drop easy but so can you.

And you'll never run out of police.

Now, normally drills and saws will only make you wait for a few minutes with occasional splutters to a halt which force you to restart them. Operation Overdrill will make you wait around for 33 minutes. That's over half an hour of police raid after police raid, with steadily diminishing ammo. While I could sit in a corner with my shotgun, using it's natural stopping power to pick off guys one by one while sitting in a corner. However, ammo for the shotgun is low so I fall on the rifle. While vastly more accurate and automatic, I'm trying to conserve bullets here so I have to be careful and pick people off one by one in order to make every shot count.

Then there's the silenced pistol. Great for when you want to kill quietly, crap for killing indiscriminately. Because it felt akin to a peashooter, I was forced to use it like a cowboy shooting from the hip, peppering everything with everything.

So, for thirty minutes, we endured wave after wave. The three ammo bags we carried lasted about 15 minutes. After that, we were down to whatever the police dropped as they died, still waiting on this drill to get through the shutter. We had the game on Easy but it was still a struggle. The sheer fact that the game was forcing a marathon on us was daunting enough. Every shot had to count or else you were down to whacking them over the head.

And if waving the Ammo bag wasn't going to work, pistol whipping certainly wouldn't. A Demoknight, you are not.

The plan boiled down to using the corridor between the first Drill door and the lobby after it as a bottleneck, keeping any police away from us for the entire 33 minutes. This point had major advantages as it was actually two blind corners that meant that the police had to move into our line of fire to get us. As long as we had ammo, we always had the advantage. They dropped like flies, meaning lots of dropped ammo to perpetuate the cycle.

"Bang bang! Ooo, look some ammo! Bang bang!"

The plan worked, of course. We managed to sit around for 33 minutes blasting coppers only to find that there's one last hurdle. You see, between you and the gold vault, there's a tile puzzle. This tile puzzle requires you to push certain tiles in a certain pattern to get past it. Thankfully, Bob knew the solution off by heart and could get us in easy.

It's not what your expecting. You poke the correct tiles or you loose and get pelted with neurotoxin, basically. It's a touch basic for a legendary Easter Egg of incredible wealth.​

Boom, done! Into the Vault!

Inside, there's a slightly downgraded texture to everything. It looks a little ugly compared to the rest of the game but, I didn't care. Picking up each gold bar as quickly as possible as well as one more goodie: a christmas gift. What is that? No idea. Apparently there's an achievement for picking it up so I can only imagine it's a Christmas promotion thing.

You know, like Knights: Into Dreams will go Christmassy if you play it in December, only with more guns and people wearing masks.

Interestingly, performing the Overdrill will also net you an Achievement. Which I think is pretty cool, as it's at least a clue to whatever the hell it is. Otherwise, it's just confusing. Makes me wish other games did that. Like maybe Sonic CD and that weird 'Satan screen' easter egg.

Achievement Unlocked: Sega, what were you thinking?

Anyway, true to his word, Bob had got us to the gold. All $70 million of it. What was even better was that I was now climbing levels like I was being ravaged by the Rare Candy cheat. By the end, I had climbed around 30 levels, reaching from about Lvl 18 to 48 within a matter of five minutes. I found that my armour perks were better, my beloved shotgun was now several leagues better than before and I had a few new pieces of equipment.

I gotta say, I was pretty chuffed as we ran from the scene, bolting through the police and offices towards our getaway vehicle. The notifications for each new level, and the new equipment perk that came with each one, lasted the entire time as I ran. It's pretty peculiar in a game that tries to keep a semblance of realism to have a shotgun that was suddenly growing the space for two more cartridges in it's chamber, seemingly from magic.

Now, I really, really like this little Easter Egg for a multitude of reasons.

Firstly, it now has this little story attached, making it a little magical that I got to feel a little like the character's I was playing as completely by accident in my own little way.

Secondly, the reward is awesome. 30 levels in one go is really, really cool. I wish I could have something like this in other games similar to it as this now opens up more of the game to me. Before, my lackluster equipment meant that I couldn't play the harder maps without starting to feel like a burden. Now, I might have a better shot at it.

Thirdly, I don't feel like I've cheated myself all that much. Yes, the gold will spawn every time you play that level, allowing you to farm that level for gold until you've got everything. However, it's such a slog to get through it all that I kinda don't want to. I mean, I'd rather try playing through all the levels and getting to know them better, playing them on harder difficulties and beating the game fairly, with the help of this 30 Lvl boost. I might try it again but the 33 minute stake out and complexity of the Easter Egg puts me off trying to grind for gold over and over. It doesn't sound like fun to me, necessarily.

Lastly, unlike the Rare Candy Cheat from Pokemon, I haven't broken the game in anyway. I was not only meant to discover this bundle of wealth but it's not as if I've maxed out everything. Like I said, it's a boost. I have effectively allowed myself to get a lot of stuff in only one area of the game and XP can be channeled into three areas. What they are, I don't know...The Reputation system in PAYDAY seems strange to me, I usually ignore it. Even so, I haven't cheated myself out of playing the game normally, I've just sped up the process of XP grinding to make me a little better at the still-challenging missions in this game.

The Rare Candy cheat was no substitute for training thanks to EV levels, this feels far more rewarding as a result. My skill and challenge in the game is still the same currently, so...there's nothing to really worry about.

So, there. My little take on an Easter Egg.

If you want to try it yourself and are too lazy to Google it, try the wiki.

[video=youtube;CmY8NuGEh9E]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmY8NuGEh9E[/video]
[size=+1]Halloween Special 2013[/size]​

!Possible Epilepsy Warning!

It's very late, but I'm sure it's the thought that counts.